The List

As I'm rounding the corner to the day I turn 28, I'm met with my list of things I made last year on my birthday of things I wanted to experience or accomplish in the next year of my life. At first glance, I feel a little bit of defeat from the things that did not happen. On the other spectrum, I feel a little bit of pride over the things that I did accomplish.

Aren't both a wrong way of thinking? I don't regret making the list because I think it has been a tool to help shape and give some direction to my personal growth this past year, but am I really so foolish to think that I am King over the process?

The Lord has taken me over a blessed, humbling, joyful, sorrow-spotted, surprising, ordinary ride over the last year. I am so thankful for the ways that he has grown me. I feel a lot better about the ways we are eating. I am reading more and watching less television. I have gotten (a little) better about sending cards for birthdays/holidays. But he has also worked in ways that I would have never even thought to put on my list. I have come to know myself a lot better and faced dark places in my heart like fear and anxiety. We have walked into a church that is a different denomination than we grew up in... we are learning and growing and being stretched. I have become really organized in managing the house.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines His steps." Proverbs 16:9

I think it's good to plan. I think God makes it pretty clear that he is not a God of chaos. But I also think that it's necessary to hold those plans with loose hands. I should not feel defeat over what was not accomplished (although some of the reason deals with laziness and I need to repent of that, for sure!), but I should rejoice over what the Lord chose to do in my life instead. He is the true King.

I'm playing with the idea of a different kind of list for this next year. More on that soon. Thank you, Jesus, for year 28!